98% Instruction, 2% Inspiration
Morning 7am to night 11 pm:
"Get up, take bath, quickly finish your breakfast…...don't fight in school….get carefully in the bus...take care of your clothes... do your homework neatly...don't play in water...keep your books back….keep TV volume down....are you sure you ate properly?...don't forget to brush your teeth….go to bed NOW".
Supposing you were to leave the tap on, in the bathroom, and the bucket is overflowing. What kind of response would you like to receive?
For most parents, children are most reluctant to obey - "Do as I say". For most children, parents are too eager to instruct - "I'll do as I want". The war continues.
Giving constant instructions is like back seat driving - it’s absolutely NAGGING. Also giving commands leads to rebellion "let’s see who does it" or "make me do it". Or it leads to feeling of inadequacy - "I am useless" "I can’t do anything right". And unfortunately name-calling, accusing, threatening, comparisons with sibling or friends follow as desperate measures.
Supposing you were to leave the tap on, in the bathroom, and the bucket is overflowing. What kind of response would you like to receive?
1. "You careless fellow, you have left the tap on again" or "Cant you ever close the tap in time" or "Are you deaf or blind, can't you see water is overflowing" (judgmental, name calling -feeling of 'you are no good')
2. "Close the tap, the bucket is overflowing" (Instruction - feeling of 'has to be told what to do') /
3. "The tap is on, the bucket is overflowing" (statement of facts - feeling of 'knows what needs to be done')
4. "BUCKET" or "TAP" (indication - feeling of - 'is capable, this is enough')
5. (No statement) just a hand showing the action of closing the tap (non verbal indication - feeling of 'is capable, this is enough')
If you too liked 5, 4 and 3 above, welcome to the wonderful, albeit small, world of inspiration!
Inspiration that motivates action! Here are the strategies:
NON VERBAL SIGNALS
Remember, the good old 'finger on my lips' (add a big grin behind it). What a relief from constant barrage of words. Signals also give relief from the usual sharp tone which accompanies instructions. ONE WORD
Laconic - They communicate the same amount as well as respect the intelligence. Caution: keep your tone friendly. Good when they can't see you, but can hear you. SMALL NOTES
Small notes or notices are great. Child doesn't keep room clean - put a note on the door "A clean room is a beautiful room". Even better, see if a picture can do the trick. Caution: if overused they start reeking of instruction. STATEMENT OF FACTS:
1. Describe what is happening ("Food is getting cold") or
Remember, the good old 'finger on my lips' (add a big grin behind it). What a relief from constant barrage of words. Signals also give relief from the usual sharp tone which accompanies instructions. ONE WORD
Laconic - They communicate the same amount as well as respect the intelligence. Caution: keep your tone friendly. Good when they can't see you, but can hear you. SMALL NOTES
Small notes or notices are great. Child doesn't keep room clean - put a note on the door "A clean room is a beautiful room". Even better, see if a picture can do the trick. Caution: if overused they start reeking of instruction. STATEMENT OF FACTS:
1. Describe what is happening ("Food is getting cold") or
2. What should happen ("Lights switched off promptly saves on electricity bill") or
3. Provide them information which leads to action ("Brushing teeth will prevent them from turning yellow...")
Finally, see if you can cut down on sheer number of instructions. Many of our instructions are NOT REQUIRED. Have trust that they can do most things; accomplish most routine tasks WITHOUT our interference.
Eliminate judgment and lousy labeling, reduce instruction, and resort to sweeter communication. 50% instruction, 50% inspiration, 0% perspiration!
By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com If you need one to one guidance on anything related to your child(ren) - we offer the same through:
1) Email or chat or voice services like skype. This costs you just Rs200 - one time fee - and unlimited sessions/ emails related to your problems for a maximum period of six months.
2) If you are in Bangalore, India - guidance in person, at our center. This costs you just Rs500 - one time fee - and unlimited sessions related to your problems for a maximum period of six months
For www.geniekids.com If you need one to one guidance on anything related to your child(ren) - we offer the same through:
1) Email or chat or voice services like skype. This costs you just Rs200 - one time fee - and unlimited sessions/ emails related to your problems for a maximum period of six months.
2) If you are in Bangalore, India - guidance in person, at our center. This costs you just Rs500 - one time fee - and unlimited sessions related to your problems for a maximum period of six months
For further details on the same, including payment options - please email to
info@geniekids.com with subject as "one-to-one" All copyrights reserved by GenieKids. Reproduction of any part or whole of our articles (only flatters us!) can be only done with due credit given to GenieKids with link to our website
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