The Darker Side
Category 1
"Drink it fast or the police man will come!" "Stop crying or the old man will come and take you away!" The idea of a 'villain' is sown in early in the life. One wonders endlessly, why, just for a very short term benefit, we are terrorizing our children for life. Anyway, still not very clear of the concept and actually vary of strangers, the child grows into the world of cartoons and comic books. A world which is still not tired of the stories of good v/s bad! Isn't it strange that a boy who has never seen a robber, a murderer, or a demon is full of laser guns, plasma bombs and killing? Is our society perpetuating a make believe terror inside the child's mind? Does it surface in the child's life in some other form - lack of confidence, arrogance, insensitive towards others, or simply as fear of unknown?
Category 2
The other day I was talking to a 5yr old child at GenieKids about what he likes. He told me its airplanes, immediately made one out of his palm, which went up and then came down crashing into a building! On one side are their imaginary fears; on other are the real ones. Whether it is something like the sep11 attacks or simply death in a family - the spectrum of real fears is equally wide and overwhelming for the child. Somehow it is deemed unimportant to discuss these things with the child.
Category 3
"Come on, there is nothing to be afraid of darkness, it’s only a power failure." "Look who has suddenly become little girl, ha ha, it’s just a movie, you know there are no ghosts." Somewhere between the completely fictitious, and the real fears, lies a third world of fear: insecurity and discomfort that the children have to live with. In fact often either they are laughed at, or their feelings denied, are they are over protected. Sum total of the above is that our life has an inevitable darker side, and children need to be given a balanced perspective so that they develop a healthy, confident and positive mind:
Few tips:
1.Avoid completely laughing at, judging or discounting or denying their fears.
2. In fact try and validate their feelings, then, if required, tell them, in concise, about the facts. This is especially true for the third Category.
3. Do not immediately offer comfort. Offer a channel for them to find solutions on their own.
4. Consider them as adults and discuss about horrifying or violent movies, cartoons shows, etc., wherever reality is skewed. Force them to see reality for themselves and realize the fictional nature of media.
5. Thanks to Mrs. Shantha Krishnan for the following guidance on issues like terrorism: "Find a convincing explanation for the mishap, and stress on the point that all human beings are alike and basically good people. Some hardships, sorrows, and circumstances SOMETIMES make them behave wickedly. So it is good to build strong friendships among people all over the world based on each one's strength and good qualities. (A child will go to any length to help and support a condemned friend or prevent him from doing anything wicked and bad.)"
6. Avoid playing the fear game or fear card as a disciplining tool. We are now aware of better ways.
7. When it comes to death etc., do not avoid the issue. In fact it is better to tell the truth, though in minimum details. Child may not understand it, but will feel assured in your explanation. Remember ignorance add to uncertainty.
8. Help children identify resources to deal with darker aspects of their life. Remind them of any previous occasion where they showed courage and came on top. Other ways are writing about it, drawing it, talking to a pet or a teddy, talking to you and finally (and very effective) a small prayer to God.
9. Seek out opportunities to get them involved in helping others, doing things that involve courage and constantly lovely label them.
10. Work through you own attitudes towards all the three categories and be consistent in your approach. "A bruised knee can mend, but bruised courage lasts a life time" (Dreikurs & Soltz in 'Children: The Challenge').
By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com
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