Sharing

What is sharing? Why do we share ? Why do we not share? What all do we share? With whom do we share? IS sharing important? How is sharing important? When do we share? when do we start sharing in the developmental stage?

"Can I take your ball, Pinku?" said Guddi, three year old, who was visiting Pinku, also three year old. "No, the ball is mines " , said Pinku and took away the ball from Guddi's hand. "Ok, then you not my friend!" , was Guddi's quick reply.

Does this situation seem very familiar to you? I am sure you must be coming across such conversations very often if you have two or three year olds around. And what do you think Pinku's mother must have said to Pinku in this situation?

"Pinku, give Guddi the ball. You must share your toys with your friends, no?" was Pinku's mother's response to which Pinku very reluctantly responded by giving Guddi his ball mutterring, "you also not my friend".

Such scenes makes one wonder what is exactly the meaning of sharing. The dictionary says, 'Sharing is the joint use of a resource or space'. But what exactly is this process of sharing? To me, sharing is the process by which we impart, give, distribute something, an idea, resource, knowledge, etc to others. In the process of learning, we come to a stage where we have a need to share with others what we have acquired or learned. Such a process of sharing may result in enhancement of both the individuals, the one who is sharing and the one with whom he is sharing. But what happens when it comes to sharing resources? If the resources are available in plenty, one shares and if they are scarce, one may not share, is the opinion held by many. But there have also been cases where even in case of scarce resources, people may be ready to share. This brings to another dimension of sharing, namely, with whom do we share? Some individuals may be ready to share ideas or resources with anybody for eg leaders, philosophers, teachers, etc. But there may be instances where individuals may be ready to share with only close and dear ones and not with all. So, some kind of a rapport between those who wish to share and with whom they wish to share, becomes important. Often it is seen that parents of preschoolers expect their little ones to share their toys, food, etc with "their friends". But often children are seen to be possesive about their toys and refuse to share the toys with their "friends". Asserting ownership of toys by saying, "That is mine!" helps establish the sense of self which is quite natural in this developmental stage. The process of sharing happens gradually from around three years of age.

What parents can do:

Make sharing fun. Teach your preschooler cooperative games in which players work together toward a common goal. Do puzzles together, taking turns adding pieces, for instance. Share projects, too: Plant the garden, paint the fence, or hose down the car with him. Finally, give him things to share with his buddies now and then, like a special snack for preschool or a roll of stickers to divvy up during a playdate.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your preschooler that he's selfish, discipline him when he doesn't share, or force him to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," Leiderman says. Keep in mind, too, that it's okay for your preschooler to hold back certain items. As he matures, he'll learn that sharing with friends — who are becoming increasingly important to him — is more fun than keeping things to himself.

Talk it up. When kids squabble over toys, help them figure out what's really going on. If a friend is holding something back, explain to your child how his buddy might be feeling. For instance: "Josh really likes that toy, and he doesn't want anyone to play with it right now." Help your preschooler put his own feelings into words too. When he's not acting especially generous, ask him what's up. Maybe you'll discover that there's a shortage of train tracks at his preschool or that he especially prizes his Pokémon cards because they were a present from Grandpa.

Teach your preschooler to problem-solve. If your child has a death grip on a toy truck that his playmate wants, chances are he's thinking, "It's either him or me." The concept of sharing the truck may not even have occurred to him. Encourage your preschooler to take turns with the truck (setting a kitchen timer to mark each child's turn may help), reassure him that sharing isn't the same as giving away, and point out that if he shares his toys with friends, they'll be more inclined to share theirs with him.

Set the stage. Before a playdate, ask your preschooler if there's anything he'd rather not share, and help him find a good place to keep those special toys. Then ask him to think of some things that would be fun for him and his visitor to play with together, such as toy walkie-talkies, art and craft supplies, building blocks, and sports equipment. That will put him in a sharing frame of mind when his guest arrives. Ask his pal to bring along a toy or two of his own as well, since your preschooler may be more generous if he's not the only one doing the giving.

Respect your preschooler's things. If your youngster feels that his clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely that he'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow his colored pencils, and give him the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect his things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your preschooler to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with him. Offer him your scarf to fashion into a superhero's cape, and ask if you can try on his new cap. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to teach him that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let him see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

Give choices: Give your child choices instead of demanding that she share a specific toy. For example, "Sarah would like to play with some stuffed animals. Which ones would you like to let her play with?"

Save the lecture for later: It's easier to teach your child about sharing at times when she's not in a sharing situation. In the middle of a tug-of-war over her stuffed rabbit she won't be very receptive to your thoughts on the value of sharing. There are lots of good children's books about sharing that can be used to teach, as well as lots of opportunities to demonstrate sharing at home.

Generally sharing is looked at from the point of view of sharing material resources or information. But there are more layers to the concept of sharing which are much deeper and which go a long way in the development of the child into a mature adult. The deeper layers of sharing can be identified as that of sharing thoughts, feelings and dreams and aspirations. Children, by nature, are very open to sharing at all these levels with other children and adults. Parents can encourage them further in doing so by consciously working on these levels themselves.
Once children start sharing their material resources, it is also important to encourage them to share their feelings, emotions, thoughts and ideas with others. Such sharing and interaction is beneficial for both the parties. It leads to satisfaction, further development of emotional bonds, deepens the relationships, etc .

Sources:

parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_how-to-teach-your-preschooler-to-share_65514.pc